Here's to Megan Rapinoe
Will we ever again see someone so skilled at giving no shits while boiling the piss of the worst people ever?
Dressed like a space-age superhero, Megan Rapinoe walks to the changing room one last time ahead of her final international appearance, the snappers’ clicks lost to her favourite pump-up track, blasting out of the bluetooth speaker in her hand.
“Most people have had grander walks to the toilet,” MAGA comedian Tim comments on Twitter.
Rapinoe sighs, Tim’s wit condemning her Presidential Medal of Freedom to the cardboard box under her bed, there to join her World Cups and Olympic medals, which each lost their place in her trophy cabinet to such titles as “embarrassing bitter woman”, “the Karen of Soccer”, and “the worst person ever”. Now, she’s only one stroke of troll ingenuity away from switching out the Ballon d’Or. She’s saved that for last. Trop chic.
Her French prize won’t keep its place, though. What began with one queer person thriving has snowballed into an eternal dance between two forces, locked in like magnets of opposite polarities. The less Rapinoes cares, the more the disparagers crave that she know her own awfulness. Until someone falters, each party will do their own thing in each other’s orbit — bitchin’ and thrivin’ and bitchin’ and thrivin’ — until we all pass away.
She may have scored her last goal for the USA, but this pink-haired dyke has burrowed deep into the psyche of so many internet men whose outrage will outlast her football boots.
To every non-American soccer fan in the world, the feeling of relief that no tournament will be dominated by Rapinoe again will only last as long until the next super-scorer squares up to her legacy. And so long as we have players obsessed by scoring goals, there’ll be players that are outspoken and hold power to account.
But will we ever again see someone so skilled at giving no shits while boiling the piss of the worst people ever?
Pinoe, here’s to you, you bastard.
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