Hannah Hampton Heatwave
Mary Earps will be upset to learn that Hannah Hampton has beaten her to the punch — again.
On 27 June 2019, Lucy Bronze scored an absolute beaut of a goal against Norway as the Lionesses secured a place in the World Cup semi-finals with a 3-0 win. Taking a free kick from the edge of the box way off to the side, Beth Mead ignored the players crowding the six-yard box and cut the ball back to the unmarked Bronze, who slammed it into the roof of the net from 18 yards out.
It was nominated for Goal of the Tournament, and marked one of the first occasions I properly sat up and paid attention to the Lionesses — as the ball rolls slowly across the penalty box, I imagine the temptation to thwack it first-time, where indulging would send the ball, the jeers of the crowd. Then along comes Bronze and her masterful stroke of controlled exuberance. Magnificent.
I watched all this from the West Holts Stage at Glastonbury, which you might have heard a bit about this week as the scene of the crime, yeah, that public order incident which Avon and Somerset Police are now busy investigating.
Back in 2019, women's football was not in such ravenous demand. But there was one person on the festival site who was particularly desperate to watch the Lionesses take on Norway, and the festival organisers had decided to show the game in order to accommodate him. It was Georgia Stanway's brother, JP.
If it had been my sister, at her first major tournament, just over the channel in France, I'd have liked to have been there to see it myself, but hey — rolling in the mud between the legs of a fire-breathing spider is also, in its own way, an unmissable experience, I suppose. What's more, Stanway was never likely to feature being, as she was, one of eleven players playing at her so-called 'maiden' senior World Cup, alongside the likes of Leah Williamson, Beth Mead, and Keira Walsh.
I was reminded of all this over the weekend when a younger Stanway, Sol — who I'd forgotten that I follow on Instagram, until he popped up — shared a photo of the King Power Stadium, where he was seated to watch his sister score the fourth of England's seven goals against Jamaica on Sunday.
It isn't clear whether Sol was there to seek major sibling points in competition with his older brother, or he'd fallen victim to Glastonbury's efforts to reduce over-crowding this year and missed out on a ticket, or he'd got enough of his thrills jet-skiing in Dubai earlier this year and thought an afternoon watching big sis run after a ball sounded more fun than battling heat stroke in the field of Avalon.
For Sol's sake, I hope it's the latter and if so, his choice would have been vindicated by Stanway's banger — a scrappy banger, but a banger nonetheless. Approaching the hour mark and already 3-0 down, Jamaica were failing to clear their lines, the ball bouncing around somewhat aimlessly inside their box. As many stood and watched, Georgia Stanway insisted that she would have it, gesturing repeatedly. Alessia Russo obliged and, with a couple of touches, Stanway made space to shoot, cracking a powerful shot with minimal backswing.
It was no Bronze vs Norway, but it made me feel something nostalgic about the passing of time, the graduation of different generations to new roles within a tournament squad. More than anything, Stanway looked relieved as she celebrated, and I could almost be sure that she said "finally" to Lucy Bronze as the seventh-major-tournament veteran arrived with a high ten.
"Nothing has been more important to me than football… but having my son has changed that," Kristie Mewis wrote on Instagram after West Ham United announced that the USWNT midfielder has departed the club on the expiration of her contract. Mewis only made four appearances in East London, her time at the club divided between various injuries and pregnancy — but she says that West Ham were behind her all the way as she and partner Sam Kerr brought their first child, Jagger, into the world. It's great to see maternity rights being properly protected in the world of professional sport.
"I'm really happy if people think I'm hot because I speak French," Mary Earps told Fearne Cotton on her Happy Place podcast this week. Crying shame, then, that Earps won't get the chance to woo the locals on tour in Switzerland this month. In the same interview, the 2023 World Cup Golden Glove winner said she felt she was "villainised" for her decision to retire from international football on the eve of a major tournament.
A lot of people said it was selfish to decide so late, leaving Sarina Wiegman little time to plan, while others said it indicated her 'diva' nature — leaving on her own terms as she felt the no. 1 shirt slipping through her fingers. It's giving: "I never even wanted to play ANYWAY...."
Yet as far as I could see, none of the same criticism was levelled at Millie Bright, arguably a yet more crucial leader in the England team who left it similarly late AND who, when told by Sarina Wiegman she wasn't a firm choice to start, responded in a deliciously disrespectful manner — if my new favourite gossip newsletter Popbitch is to be believed.
Generally, I think the extent of entitlement that football fans over the human beings that happen to play for their team is a bit insane. I am gutted that Earps won't be at EURO 2025 because she is a brilliant 'keeper, a strong dressing room character, and a seizer of basically any and all opportunities to provide entertainment. But I can recognise that it's Earps' life and she can live it how she wants. And I also appreciate the way that these twists and turns ultimately enrich the narratives of a particular tournament, team — and, indeed, player.
U-turns are in season, again. Like, who would be totally surprised if Earps opted IN again for the next big tournament? It would be so Mary and it would be so her right to do so. As my good friend George likes to remind me, the first rule of assertiveness is that "I am allowed to change my mind" and a girlboss like Earps ain't nothin' if not assertive.
Meanwhile, Earps will be upset to learn that this week, Hannah Hampton has 'beaten her to the punch' on another measure. I have to say, when I saw the BBC headline 'Cadbury's sweet tribute to Lioness goalkeeper' I was really excited to imagine the scenes, Hampton's chocolatey face dripping in this week's 36 degree heat. The slow destruction of this football, seized by gloved hands, will be less dramatic, but no less hurtful to Earps, who seemed to have her flag planted in that particular ground when she became the first female footballer to have a wax model at Madame Tussaud's in August.
You might be aware that Stilton cheese has courted controversy lately. Former Conservative MP for North West Cambridgeshire, Shailesh Vara, has been campaigning against a 1996 ruling that blue stilton may only be produced in the counties of Derbyshire, Leicestershire and Nottinghamshire (the county where Mary was born). It it thought that the famous cheese actually originated from Stilton, a village in Cambridgeshire — yet any of the stinky stuff made here is considered (under a European Commission statue which is older than me!) to be FAKE STILTON.
It seems glaringly apparent to me, in the face of this challenge by Vara, that Earps' best next career move is to have her body fashioned entirely from Stilton as a mark of regional pride and a big two fingers up to her 24-year-old successor.